Don't Look Back
by soni13
Summary: WORK IN PROGRESS! Roy and Riza growing up together, and seeing the world through the other's eyes.
1. Running

**Disclaimer: Me no owny nothing, just the random little ficlets that pop into my head ;P**

**In this story, Riza's thirteen; Roy's fifteen? sixteen? I don't know what his age is in comparison to hers. Riza's father is definately on of my very least favorite characters in the manga (did you notice that Shou Tucker's, Hohenheim's, and his eyes are ALL drawn the same way? coincidence, I think not). **

**I like to think of them meeting this way, and i _FINALLY_ got some of Origin, so I used these songs because i love them and they fit.**

**The songs are "Missing" and "Exodus", both by Evanescence. **

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_Please, please forgive me_

_**But I won't be home again**_

The rest of the house was silent as Riza packed her small shoulder bag. She brought only the necessary things: a change of clothes, some food, matches, and a handgun filched from her grandfather's excess stores. She doubted he would even notice it was missing. She doubted anyone would even notice _she_ was missing.

_**My black backpack's stuffed with broken dreams**_

**_Twenty bucks should get me through the week._**

Riza slid the window up as quietly as she could, not wanting to wake her father. His new student was arriving the next day, a boy from the east with "great alchemic potential". Unlike her.

_**Maybe someday you'll look up,**_

_**And barely conscious you'll say to no one**_

'_**Isn't something missing?'**_

She hated to leave like this. It was like she was surrendering, like she was admitting that she was too weak to take anymore. She hated to be weak, but it was true.

**_Waking up is knowing who you really are._**

She slipped one leg out the window, her bag securely on her back. Only for a moment did she hesitate before lifting her other leg up and over. She balanced on her waist before sliding down and standing on the first story window ledge beneath her.

_**You won't cry for my absence **_

_**I know.**_

_**You forgot me long ago.**_

_**Am I that unimportant?**_

_**Am I so insignificant?**_

_**Isn't something missing?**_

_**Isn't someone missing me?**_

Maybe this new boy would be able to identify with her father's obsession; maybe he would have the "natural talent" that Riza lacked. Even though she had never felt the fire of alchemy, the burning urge to create something out of something else, she couldn't help but feel cast aside. So she was leaving, to protect her heart from being hurt again. There was only room in her father's eyes for alchemy; she had known that her entire life. So why the hell was she crying?

_**Even though I'm the sacrifice**_

_**You won't try for me,**_

_**Not now.**_

_**Though I'd die to know you love me**_

_**I'm all alone**_

_**Isn't someone missing me?**_

Of course, there was always the secret to consider. She had given her body, her back, to alchemy, if only it would win her father's love. Only when it was too late did she realize how much she had lost. If people knew what was hidden beneath her conservative blouse, what would they do to catch a glimpse of it? After all, there was only so much a thirteen year old could do to defend herself. Why couldn't her father understand what she had done for him, what she had willingly surrendered just to been seen for a moment?

_**Never said a word of discontentment**_

_**Fought it a thousand times but now**_

_**I'm leaving home  
**_

Both feet were on the ground now, and Riza was running, running, running through the trees, the moon her only light. She stayed close enough to the road not to get lost, but far enough not to be seen, or worse, caught. Her hair, pulled back and braided, was falling out, but she didn't dare stop. If she stopped now, she might never make it.

_**Here in the shadows**_

_**I'm safe, **_

_**I'm free.**_

_**I've nowhere else to go but**_

_**I cannot stay where I don't belong **_

"Oh!" she gasped as she tripped. Her hands flew out to catch her, and scraped against the bark of a harsh tree. She felt the skin break and blood start to well, but she got back up and kept running. There was no turning back, no place called "home" to return to. This is what she told herself as she ran; ran and cried and bled.

_**And if I bleed, **_

_**I'll bleed,**_

_**Knowing you don't care.**_

The branches seemed to reach out to her, like little shadowy hands. The night was changing, from something she could understand and deal with into a nightmare, where there was no logic, no sensible thinking. Run, run, run; all she could think to do was keep going.

_**I know I'm not lost**_

_**I am just alone,**_

_**But I won't cry,**_

_**I won't give up.**_

Suddenly she stumbled into a clearing. In the center was a bright, inviting fire, and beside the fire was a pale, dark-haired boy. "Are you all right?" he asked immediately, jumping to his feet.

Riza turned to back away, but she tripped again. What was wrong with her tonight? She was never this clumsy before, but now that it mattered she could barely balance on her own two feet.

The boy came and knelt at her side, placing a hand on her arm to steady her. It was unnerving; Riza couldn't even remember the last time someone had reached out to help her, to touch her.

"Steady now," he said. "Ouch, those are some cuts you've got. You should probably clean them." Keeping one had gently on her upper arm, he led her to his fire. Every pore on her body was screaming to turn and run again, but her heart made it impossible to listen. "What are you doing out here in the middle of the night?" he asked conversationally as he began to wash her hands.

_**I breathe deep**_

_**And cry it out:**_

"Escaping." The word flew from her lips before she could stop it. She pulled her hand from his grasp and stared down at the ground, afraid to look him in the eye.

"_**Isn't something missing?"**_

He cupped her chin in his hands and lifted her face, so that she was looking at him. She noticed that he had the most amazing eyes: dark as onyx and deeper than anything she had seen before. "What are you running away from?"

**_Here int the shadows, _**

**_I'm safe,_**

**_I'm free._**

Riza seemed to wake from her trance; she jerked back and stood up, mentally buffeting herself for being so stupid, so naïve. "None of your concern. Now if you'll excuse me, I really—"

The boy stood with sudden speed that Riza would never expected of him. He caught both her wrists in his hands and jerked her close. She stumbled forward and had to place her palms on his chest to keep from falling flat on her face. He did not let go of her, but stared straight into her eyes.

His gaze was disturbing her. No one ever, _ever_, looked right at her. At school, people's eyes seemed to look over her as if she had melted into the wall. Her father only noticed her if she messed up, or if he needed her back for his research. "Fuck off!" she hissed.

_**Waking up is knowing who you really are.**_

"Now _that_ is something I would not have expected a ten year old to say." he whispered with a smirk. God, she hated that smirk.

"Not ten."

"Twelve then."

"Thirteen. Ugh, why am I arguing about this! This is stupid! Let go of me!" Of course, the opposite of what she wanted happened. Instead, he ran his thumbs gently along the inside of her wrists. It felt strange; made her heart beat irregularly. "GET AWAY FROM ME!" she yelled, finally pulling away. She backed to the edge of the clearing, but she couldn't bring herself to completely leave the light. _Stop it!_ she willed him silently._ Please, if you don't stop being so . . . nice, I won't be able to get away. Stop. Stop._

_**I've nowhere else to go but**_

_**I cannot stay where I don't belong.**_

"Why? Why are you so scared of me? I've done nothing to hurt you; but someone has, haven't they? Let your guard down! Let me help you!" he told her, but he didn't come any closer. She realized that he was waiting for her to save herself, to come to him. But she couldn't, _couldn't!_

God, it hurt so much! Her entire body was so tired of carrying the weight of the world, but . . .

_**Show me the shadow where true meaning lies**_

_**So much more dismay in empty eyes.**_

"I'm . . . scared. I'm so goddamn scared of what could happen to me! Nobody notices; I'm so sick of being lonely! I don't know who I am, or what I'm supposed to become! I can't do this anymore!"

She had fallen to her knees, pathetically, weakly. Her cut hands were spread out in front of her, and she focused on the spot between them, to avoid his gaze.

Then there was a hand reaching out to her, waiting to help her up. "Who said you had to be alone?"

_**Isn't someone missing me?**_

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**Review, yes? hhmmhh? Tell me what you think!**


	2. Sub Rosa

**Ok, so, I've gone through just about my entire account, and I decided to take this story in a different dirrection. So I'm going to try and work this out; and although I have issues with finishing a story, I'm going to TRY really hard to do this right.**

**Also, "Sub Rosa" is a Latin term that my friend told me means "confidentially". If she's wrong, it's not my fault ;)**

**And the whole raccon thing is real, and going on in my neighborhood. My neighbor thought it was a Chupacabra, until another neighbor explained it to us. I've never seen/heard them, but my dad freaked out.**

**DISCLAIMER: If I owned FMA, I would be able to afford a computer that doesn't break every other month.**

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Roy shot up in bed with a start. It sounded like someone was being . . . _tortured_ outside the house, like they were screaming in agony.

His first thought was instinctively of Riza, his new teacher's daughter, who he had met in the middle of the forest in the dead of night. She had been running away, and he had convinced her to return with him. It was ironic, in a way, that the boy who was being sent away would change the mind of the girl who was choosing to leave. But she hadn't spoken at length to him since, and he worried about her.

He climbed out of bed, checking his watch. It was almost 3 o'clock. He groaned inwardly, thinking of what this lack of sleep would do to his alchemy studies as he crept out of his room and down the hall. His footsteps quickened as the noise suddenly stopped.

Riza's room was farthest from the top of the stairs, and her door was ajar. Tentatively, wishing he had some kind of weapon, he stepped inside.

It was empty.

He rushed out and down the hall, but then he noticed that a window in the spare room was open. Carefully, cautiously, he crossed the room and peeked out, half expecting to see her dead body lying on the front lawn.

"Mr. Mustang? What are you _doing_?"

The voice made him jump, and he stuck his head out and craned his neck to see Riza, sitting on the porch with her arms wrapped around her legs.

"Are you all right?" he asked, and to his surprise and extreme confusion, she smiled and almost giggled. "Did you think that noise was me?"

Roy nodded, and she beckoned to him. Awkwardly he climbed onto the roof and plopped down next to her. She pointed to some still, obscure shapes beneath a tree.

"See those? They're raccoons. They're what are making the noise you heard."

Roy frowned. "Why?"

At his expression, Riza laughed softly. "Mr. Mustang, they're _drunk_."

"What? How?"

Riza pointed again, this time to the tree beneath which the raccoons resided. "That's a mulberry tree. The raccoons eat the overripe mulberries, and they get wasted. They make that noise until they pass out, like they are now."

Roy stared at the raccoons in amazement. "Seriously?"

"I know it sounds far-fetched, but it's true. I heard some of the neighbors discussing it."

They sat in silence for a moment, staring at the stars and the dozing raccoons. Roy finally broke it by asking, "So, what are you doing out here, anyway?"

He could practically see her defenses go up, and she answered stiffly, "I can sit on my own roof if I want to, Mr. Mustang."

"Hey, calm down, I was just curious."

A cool night breeze blew past them, and Riza's loose blond hair shifted with the wind. Roy thought, not for the first time, that she was very pretty, for a thirteen year old.

Riza lifted her face to look out at the endless night sky, and she gave him an honest, unguarded answer. "The air is easier to breathe out here."

She seemed to remember herself, and she turned to Roy with a worried look in her eyes. "What time is it?"

"Uh . . . half past three. Why?"

"You have to go to bed, Mr. Mustang! You need sleep if you are to complete your alchemy training properly!"

"I'll be fine." he assured her, but when her expression didn't change, he climbed back inside the house, just to appease her. "See? I'm going back to bed now like a good little boy."

He gave her one last friendly smile before walking away from the window, but she called to him. He turned on his heel, and was struck by her looks once again. She was leaning into the room, her hair messy and blowing around her anxious porcelain face. Both of her hands gripped the windowsill.

"You won't . . . you won't tell my father about this, will you?"

He was surprised, but shook his head. "No; we can keep this between us, right?" With this comment, he winked at her.

Her face relaxed, and she gave him a tentative smile. "Thank you."

She disappeared again, and Roy went back to his room. His last thought before falling asleep was that Riza was right: the night air was easer to breathe.


End file.
